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[10 Apr 2008|08:26am] |
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*sigh* Everytime I try to type out an entry, I stop half way. bleh, too much to say, not enough time... or attention span... to say it. :(
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| School Motivation |
[04 Mar 2008|07:14pm] |
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omg, i was trying to look for motivation for school, so I've been looking up how many jobs there are as a programmer and how much they pay. Entry level programmer in San Jose is 60k-100k. D: Mind you, I make 12/hr at Geek Squad, making it 21k a year... Three times what I make now, holy crap. @@;;; Need to finish my degree ASAP. i'm tempted to even cut my hours to focus on school, but then I'm not sure how i would afford it... And, before you say, well maybe with more experience you get more money. That's true. But the only job i could find that actually wasn't embarassed to display the rate of pay made 3200/mo, making 38k a year. That's with 2-5 years experience. Being a technician sucks. >.< omg, with more calculating DAs make that much @@;; And now, I study. ^^;;;
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[17 Feb 2008|09:22pm] |
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I joined a web dev community, as well as a programming community. The things they work on seem so cool to me, and yet, I'm still in intro classes. I wish I could jump ahead. @_@ And yet, I say this when I'm 3 programs behind for class. *sigh* Must do hw...
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| And thus my hate for Vista... |
[03 Feb 2008|09:53am] |
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Turns out the ram I thought for my desktop computer I'm building doesn't work with the intel bundle board I bought. So exchanged it and upgraded my ram to 2GB yesterday. Thought my computer would run a lot faster that way.... Nope, not really, still kinda slow. So I changed my theme to the ugly windows classic, and it changed from using 1gb of ram all the time to using very little. D: Stupid thing. I only have one version of XP, so I'm unsure if I should put that one on my desktop or my laptop. Decisions, decisions. @_@;; So tempted to put it on this laptop though. >>.;
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[22 Jan 2008|09:53pm] |
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Heath Ledger died oo;; That shocks me, and it somehow pathetic that I post that after not posting for a while. But I was currently in a phase. T_T I just watched Brokeback Mountain, downloaded Casanova, and was looking forward to Dark Knight. It's a shame for someone who was rising to be a great star to die so suddenly. How crazy...
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[26 Dec 2007|01:37pm] |
Happy Holidays everyone!
I was tempted to write and be somewhat emo, but I shall refrain and wish for a better new year. Hope everyone is having a nice holiday! <3
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| Chuck |
[19 Nov 2007|11:38pm] |
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It seems that Chuck has pretty much copied Best Buy and mocked my job (which is entertaining in itself. oO;), but now the show seems to be really good storywise as well. Very odd. Couldn't tell you why I waste my days away with streaming shows on-line. >.>;
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| Save my dog |
[10 Jan 2007|08:21am] |
I'm just reposting what I posted in myspace in hopes of getting someone. By tomorrow, Keiko may be put to sleep just because she doesn't have anyone to watch her for a few weeks/months. I was going through HARP, but I can't find a foster home. If anyone knows anyone, please tell me. I'm getting so stressed that I've been having anxiety attacks all week. I keep trying to talk to Daniel, but he has his own issues he has to deal with. I feel like everyone else doesn't really care. @_@;
( More pics of Keiko )
Before x-mas my mom got rid of our dog. She made up some story aboutgiving it back to the original owner to make more puppies. Come to findout recently, after a huge argument with my brothers, she actually gaveher up to the animal shelter because she didn't want to deal with heranymore. Now that would be fine because she's a cute dog and all, butwe just went to visit her and because she's anti-social and protectiveof only my family she barks and won't let anyone touch her at theshelter. Most likely, because they don't want to risk dealing with herfor adoptions, they'll put her to sleep.
Please, if there is any possibility of anyone just watching her for afew weeks to a few months until HARP has room for her to foster, pleasereply to this bulletin.
I have all the money to get her out of the shelter and I'm willing tohelp in anyway to help provide for her, my apartment just won't allowdogs, my parents are crazy, and I have where else to put her. Pleasehelp if you can.
I know I'm reaching, but I really do hope someone outthere can help, or can at least pass this on to someone that might beable to.
To update, Keiko is out of the shelter, but she still has no place togo. I haven't found anyone. I called just about every animal rescueprogram in this area, but they are either claiming they have too manyanimals already, have some waiting period, or don't have any fosters atall. H.A.R.P is willing to help, but I can't do anything unless she hassomewhere to stay. My parents refuse to take her back. Hell, my dadeven called the police when we came back with the dog and said we wereintruders. So there is no way she can stay with them. Keiko iscurrently in a kennel that costs $18 a night and she can't stay thereany longer/
Please, if there is anyone out there that can help, or knows someoneplease contact me. You don't have to keep her. I'm doing all I can tofind her a home. I just need someplace where she can stay for a whileuntil I can find it.
I'm posting pictures on my myspace now so people knows what she looks like.
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[19 Jul 2006|09:25pm] |
They all know now. My family. His former. The cat's out of the bag. I still gotta tell my friends, but with everything going on just give me time to collect myself after this. It's a lot to deal with.
And oh, I went to the doctor's today. I got back tomorrow for a blood test and another EKG because the first one I had at the emergency room wasn't recorded. Damn hos. I know they lost my card too. And I told the doctor about my headaches and stress from work and everything... And he gave me pills that were suppose to help me get energy. Oo;; He said they were classified as antidepressants, but were really just suppose to give me energy... uh... He said I didn't have to take them, but now I feel like I should. @_@;
Well, I'm gonna continue packing.
Thanks to Ken for introducing me to Rent and for Caryn sending me the movie soundtrack. It's weird how it's helping encourage me in some way. ^^;
<3 to everyone
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[18 Jul 2006|10:16pm] |
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Anyone got the RENT soundtrack that they can send me? >.>;;; Just thought I'd see before I went looking for it. I'll be on-line tomorrow possibly.
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[15 Jun 2006|02:12am] |
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Superman @_@;; I wanna see.. so far away. I really wanna get tickets at fandango or something. Need to watch it :O lol
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[23 May 2006|08:43am] |
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ebil... I applied for a Shell gas card cuz I wanted to start building up my credit and I read gas cards were easy to get. Originally, I was gonna wait for USAA. That's my dad's bank that he has through the Navy or something. But I got tired of waiting for my confirmation letter and my dad to call for it. So I applied for Shell, surfed the net a bit, decided to check my e-mail... Bam, USAA e-mail D: teh ebil... They got APR as low as 11 something for college students. But I heard that if you apply for too many credit cards at once that looks bad on your credit too, so I might apply for it later >.> I'm not even sure if I got approved for a Shell card yet. u.u We shall see >.>
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[19 May 2006|02:29am] |
btw, I'm probably gonna change this to friends only pretty soon, or just stop posting all together. If I'm moving out, I'll probably use the computer there for the internet and I don't want people finding this and starting more shit with me. So yeah. I haven't added a friend in ages, and at least I know some people out there kinda glance at this from time to time, so that's good I guess.
Anyway, time to sleep.
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[19 May 2006|02:28am] |
wtf, I don't get Raley's... I mean, if I'm with someone that's my problem.... If I'm without them, that's my problem too. It's like, ok... Where is all this drama coming from? Someone assumed that just because I didn't eat lunch with D, all this shit is happening. Oo;; And I'm like, wtf. lol, I was just amused that someone would freak out about something as little as that, that wasn't even true, so I let them believe it... And it just bit me back. x_x; I can't win!
We didn't get to start cleaning until 7:30... And even then, we were focused on the rotisseries and the slicer, which was suppose to be done hours before... We basically had to do 4 hours of work in 2... So give us a break people. Especially with this shit about how management doesn't want overtime. wtf? Craig says that he'd gladly pay overtime if we're dealing with customers all day like that, and still I hear shit about, no more overtime or we'll get written up and stuff. What am I suppose to do?! It's like, I leave the deli looking like shit, or get in trouble for getting overtime. What kind of crap is that? So I told Ott we needed overtime, and he's like, "What?!" but then was all like take all the time we need. But I'm all freakin' out because the day before Brian was all, "I can't allow overtime, they don't allow overtime. You're just gonna have to hustle." And I'm like... ok, wtf. So I have that in my mind. I told Ott we'd only take 10 min. 10 min go by. We got pretty much everything done. Looked all right. Trusted Tina to do the outside. She said she finished everything. So she sprayed everything down. Didn't bother to check, cuz uh.. she's been there for a few weeks now. I told her to double check everything before, so I figure she did. I guess we missed something. Today they all freaked out saying the whole deli was dirty. I'm sorry, if it's just the handle to the rotisserie, some bits on the slicer, and the microwaves that is not the whole freakin' deli. Give me a damn break. But they acted like it. They even told me that the Deli could be closed down for that.
And then there's all this crap associated with it. Like I broke up and was all out of it b/c of that and the fact that he was working that night too. Where the heck did that come from? Just because you don't eat lunch with someone? >.< who the heck said that? And then Tina was saying she told them that she did the slicers because she did.. And she didnt' feel like it was fair and she accepted the blame... But then I hear she was trying to say she only did the one on the far right... And it sounded like she was trying to blame me. wtf? So now I gotta e-mail Tina on myspace and let her know what's going on and straighten all this.
Geez, I'm really hating this job. Even now, that I'm moving up, it just means they can pin point the blame on me. Oh they're new, give so it's not their fault. Well, dammit, not mine either. They were trained, it's not my job to clean up after them. I thought having two closers until 9:30 would be good. But it's not different. In fact, it's worse. I kinda want to just move on and wash my hands from this job. Especially when they're constantly mixing my personal life with work... I dont' do it people. Stop acting like I do because you want to... I just wanna do my freakin' job. Leave me alone. And they wonder why I don't smile anymore. Would you smile if you had to deal with all that? I don't think so.
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[17 May 2006|04:29am] |
Almost 4am. Been up like this for the last few nights now. oO;; Go home at 2 barely awake and ending up staying up another 2 hours anyway... Don't ask me why. I just do I guess. @_@;; Never have time anywhere else? Even though, this is probably the first time I've been on-line on my own computer for a while.
I'm finally moving out. I guess I finally pushed my parents to the edge. They kept trying to convince me to stay and that I should wait to move out, now my dad is saying he's cutting off my cell phone and car ins and wants me to pack my things. I was more relieved more than anything else when he said that. It's a little complicated explaining the things that got me to that point. I guess the same old overprotectiveness that I've been dealing with for a while now. But instead of frantically coming up with a back up plan as I wait for it to pass over, this time I'm taking the opportunity and moving my stuff. Granted, the place I'm moving to isn't build for 4 people. The room I'm getting is a third smaller than the room at my parents... But the relief of stress from overbearing parents is well worth the sacrifice. I can't deal with living in this house anymore. I need my own life. I don't feel like I can go on living in this house with people who think like them to bring me down. I feel bad, and I'd like to think otherwise... But I want to focus on school now, not drama. How many times have my parents even asked me about how my school was going before freaking out about being gone all day? I'm doing better in my classes than I ever had before. I actually have some sort of motivation now, so I'm trying. But they're just not seeing that. I'd rather be independent in another person's place and be proud of my own success rather than constantly worrying about how I might be home late and having to have them yell at me. Those rare times I'm at home anyway, they're always yelling at me. That's not an environment I want to stay in when I'm trying to move forward in my life.
I guess, knowing all that, I should be happy that I'm finally out, but recently I've fallen into a deep depression. It's just hard when you feel isolated like I do. Of course, I'm obviously alienated from my family now. None of them really want to talk to me. My parents think I'm always lying to them. My brothers would like to run away too, but don't want to have my parents freak out even more on them. Seems whenever they're mad at me and I'm not there, they take it out on them... At work, I'm alone. I work in the Deli with people who I can think of as an extended family... But that doesn't stop the rumors, or the people judging you in their own minds and taking it out on you indirectly. People in the grocery business have way too much time on their hands that they need to gossip 24/7 fyi. And while I'd much rather tell my friends what I'm feeling, at this point, that doesn't seem possible. I'm not saying that I don't trust anyone. But I'm doing them and myself a favor by not saying anything at this point. I'm gonna just have to deal with it myself. I don't want to lose anyone else in this whole ordeal. I tried telling one person, and that kinda just left things awkwardly. There was no talk afterwards. And it kinda just made me feel like, it was better if I just kept on going dealing with it on my own than dragging anyone else into my own problems. And please, it's my fault really for not realizing that earlier. I didn't mean to make anyone feel negative in anyway. It's just hard when you have no one there you can really pour your heart out to. I let him know that, and he's going through a hard time too. But I don't think he realizes that he has his family supporting him and a lot more people around him that are willing to talk and listen to him... But I don't have anyone. No one at all. That's been really hard on me.
I'm taking my cat with me, but my dog, turtles, and possibly my hamster are staying... Which is really sad since I know my parents will want to get rid of them ASAP... It's just, I don't have a place to put them when I move. Keiko might get killed by Bacon's dog. @_@;;; Otherwise I'd take her... The turtles need their tank moved and I have no place to put it. And Al... Though I love him with all my heart, his end is coming soon, and I'd rather not have Emo eat him before then. Oo;;; So yeah.. Letting go of all that is hard on me too. But I guess I'll just have to deal with that...
And, on top of it... School. x_x; I'm doing fine in my medical classes, but I need to go back to college and focus on a computer science degree... If I get a better score in the math assessment test. And I gotta figure out what I'm doing. I need to know my focus and if that's what I really want to do... But before I can really do that I need to figure out how to pay for school now that my parents might not want to help me and I make too much to get VA to pay my tuition now... So that sucks.
Need a new cell and car insurance too. And not to mention, pack up ALL the stuff I need and get rid of a lot of stuff I like... But can't keep because of lack of room. ._.;; Yeah.. Anyway, my brain is melting. I suppose I'll figure it all out eventually.
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| I hate my job... |
[30 Apr 2006|10:59pm] |
Well, I'm fuckin' pissed and I can't seem to let it go. Remember my post before about Charlene?
I did talk to my managers. Both Tammy (Assistant Deli Manager) and Evie (Bakery/Deli Manager). I pretty much told them everything that happened that night. I also said that if I ever have to work closing with her again (b/c we're that short-staffed) I would only do it if she works 12:30-9:30 with me... Otherwise she just slacks off and leaves me with a lot of shit to do. They listened and Evie said she would try not to schedule her as 11:30 anymore. Guess what? Susan is still sick and they scheduled Charlene in her place. >.< Evie said it was done without her knowing it. It's because Debbie had to be called in and she can't work night shift.... Fine and all, but it ticked me off.
I mentioned how irritated I was to Tammy today. I mean, it's the SAME shifts, on the SAME busy freakin' day. I didn't want a repeat of last time. In fact, things have gotten busier since it's been really hot out and I'm sure tomorrow will be worse. I was fine until Tammy said that she wanted to let me know that she had called Charlene the other day to let her know how many party trays she had, and all of a sudden Charlene was telling Tammy that the reason we were behind that Monday was because I was goofing around in the back and talking to Chris the whole time. She had been on the counter the whole night. She also said that I had said I was okay. I heard that and I just wanted to strangle her. She's lying big time and I'm getting sick of being blamed for everything. The only time I was talking to Chris about was when she was leaving and she said I should call management. I was really pissed off then, and she couldn't care less and Chris understood because it was Brian. That was it. The freakin' UC doesn't even come to clean the deli until 8/8:30 so there was no way in hell anytime she was there I was goofing off talking to him. It's bad enough that rumors go around about me and D. I don't need more rumors about me and another UC. I told Chris and now we don't even say anything to each other. We hardly said anything to each other in the first place.
When I get really mad the feeling is so overwhelming and I can't do anything about it, that instead of throwing a fit I start getting panick attacks and crying. @_@;;; It was bad too with all the customers you have to deal with, but it helped me calm down a bit. Tammy felt bad and said she shouldn't have told me because I was in a bad mood, but I told her it was ok because I could already tell that night Charlene was looking down on me for something. I told her I hated how every person I work with blames me for everything. I hated getting in trouble. She said I wasn't in trouble and that she didn't tell anyone. She just wanted me to kno what she said. But things travel. First I'm told I'm too slow. I goof off. All I did before was talk to D so that had to switch his schedule. I swear, all this suffering because they think it's my fault. >.< Thinking about it made me start crying again and she had to go back and comfort me. The good thing about it all was that Tammy said she didn't think I was slow and she knows I work hard. I had the fact that Chris also confirmed Charlene left me with a shitload of stuff to do backing me up, and Tammy said that she would trusted me a lot more than she trusted Charlene so she wold believe me first. That made me feel a lot better. I thought she and Evie thought I didn't do shit. She even said that she knew my relationship with D was special to me and all that. So I'm glad. I like Tammy. ^^;; She's a lot like my friends. She can rub you the wrong way sometimes, but when it comes down to it she understands how you feel. So yeah....
I still feel like calling in tomorrow, and if they don't let me, just quitting. I can't this anymore. I'm working overtime almost every night now, and I'm tired all the time. I feel like I could kill myself right now just to get rid of all this pain I have to endure. x_x; I'm feeling underappreciated, overworked, and I am tempted to get in a big argument with Charlene tomorrow. Stupid bitch. >.< Every knows she doesn't do her work and she leaves people with crap today. Hell, she got pissed off when she couldn't get Easter Sunday off and started drama with Susan. It's like.. ok. I'm sorry your grandson doesn't have a rare type of leukemia and has a low chance of living. Let's let Susan miss another day without her grandson and family, and deal with the fact that you need to see your husband, who you see everyday anyway. I mean, wtf. It's like the world is suppose to revolve around her because she's been with Raley's for 10 years. So what? Damn company laid you off and you're lucky they even let you come to our store. Be grateful and stop starting shit. :-/
I swear, tomorrow I'll have overtime. But I don't care. More money for me. More proof that she doesn't do shit. Let her dig her own grave.
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[29 Apr 2006|01:36am] |
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damn I hate school... I'm going back to DVC fall semester and pursuing my general ed classes. :x I figured it'd be safer that way... just in case I decide to change my mind again. Sucks though. Forgot about priority registration dates. D: Mine was a couple of days ago I think, and I didn't think about it until... today. :x So yeah. >.>;;; I'm screwed? :o My brother and I are planning to take the same classes, but I have to only have classes MTW so that I can work the rest of the week. :x meh, I guess I'll have to wake until tomorrow morning. x_x; Webadvisor is timing out. Everyone must be on now. T_T
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[24 Apr 2006|11:47pm] |
Damn... I'm pissed. I hate working with people who don't care. I knew when I saw I was scheduled with Charlene I was screwed. I stayed an hour over today because of her. >.< I mean, yeah, we did have a lot of customers and it was hard to get work done, but the least she could have done was help me out and stayed 30 min or something. She only did the 2 rotisseries. That was basically it. She cleaned out the hot case... But it looked like she just wiped it real fast and that was about it. The windows looked like they had been attempted to be wiped down, but I had to wipe them down again cuz there was streaks all over it. When 8:30 came around, I was doing dishes and she came back saying, "Well, I'm gonna go. You gonna be okay Lizette?" And I'm like, Are you serious? Oo; So I gave her a weird look and said, "uhhh.. no." Then she proceeded to convince me I was, "All you have to do is put the pans in the hot case and clean the slicer."
"Well, did you wipe down the counters and cabinets?"
"No... But if you need to stay overtime just call management. I'm sure they'll let you stay over."
And I went on to say that last time I called management, Brian was an ass. He told me I should pick up the pace a little. I had told him we got slammed by customers and he went on to say that they'll see if we were by the sales results the next day. I swear, I wanted to attack him then. >.< I'm tired of management acting like I'll I'm doing is slacking off. She just kinda looked at me after that like I was crazy... Or maybe, she thought the same thing. Chris was there and said I should just talk to the other manager, Ott, not Brian... So Charlene left.
I was just finishing the fryer bottom. Then I was left with the a sinkful of dishes, one cart full of dishes, fryer cart, the cabinets, counters, microwaves, salad case, flour bin, back production tables, and the slicer left to do. Took me the first hour to start to finish the dishes in the sink and wipe up outside so I was only left with the slicer. Went back, finished the dishes, got pissed realizing I still had the fryer cart left. Took care of that. Then I had to put the fryer bottom back under the fryer, wheel out the clean dishes, set up the hot case, clean the slicer, put back the slicer parts, and sanitized everything. Then I had to fill out the sanitation sheet and put the cooking log on Evie's desk. Go to the bakery to get the supervisor's card, and clock out. x_x; When I got back I realized I had forgotten to bag the bread, so I had to do that too. >.< Oh, and did I mention? Ott came at 10 asking for sliced meat... 10! That was an hour after the Deli was closed. @_@;;; I even told him that if they asked why I stayed overtime, I'd say it was cuz I was getting turkey for Ott. XP lol
So yeah.. I'm pissed. I mean, I've had nights like that before... Some I might have even stayed later... But I'm getting ticked off. I hate working with these people from other stores who could give a rat's ass about our Deli. It's like, they're only suppose to stay until 8:30, and they know it... So they leave me with all this crap. -.-;; I know if Charlene was the one closing she'd work harder. It's not fair. When I was staying until 8:30 with the earlier shift, I work just as hard. I get more done for her and leave her with hardly anything... But she doesn't care. I'm hoping Evie will listen to me. I'm tired of working as the closer and being blamed for overtime. I'm tired of being told I'm slow, that I can't get my work done. I'm tired of them blaming it on other people. I feel guilty. They even changed D's shift because they think he's not getting his work done. He's worked there since the store opened... There is no way that's possibly, so I can only imagine that it's because of me. They keep saying I let him distract me. I can't get my work done. The store manager even thought the closers should have a later shift because of me. ._.;; I'm ticked off. I'm tired of being lectured. They say things like, "Pick up the pace." And basically want me to tell D to take a hike. And I'm just like... Do you know how short staffed we are? I'm being told I need to be cheerful and customer service oriented, but dammit, I'm being overworked. I take so long because I do things right. I don't leave the Deli looking like crap. Why don't they see that? Why am I suffering because other people don't care, and I do?
Charlene hasn't been doing well working her other shifts too, so I'm hoping Evie will believe me. I wanted to tell her by phone so it'd be easier for me, but I think I'll do it in person so I know her reaction. And so I don't make her feel like she's on the phone forever... But I dunno.
I just... want another job. ._.;; Or at least this drama to go away. Damn people. Just leave me alone. I'm trying my hardest...
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[22 Apr 2006|01:59am] |
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meh, I stayed up watching Windstruck because.. I dunno... I wanted to watch My Sassy Girl later. oO;; And Windstruck sounded nifteh... But man, it was sad. T_T;; Made me cry most of the end. I was already feeling sad from something else, and that just kinda hit me. x_x;;; But oh well, it was a good movie. :3 And the end kinda made up for it. That cameo was great. XD Anyway, 2 AM... probably should sleep. bleh, I gotta have this website done by then too... Laziness is overcoming me. I feel like I should just let Adrian do the rest. XP I think I might...
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[18 Apr 2006|12:17pm] |
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damn.. it's days like this I'm glad I have a laptop. @_@;;;
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